You've Got Mail!

Actually, not really. It's a glitch.

A few weeks ago I was checking my email on my iPhone, but I noticed that though I had read all the messages in my Mail inbox, the app still claimed that I had one left unread. Despite my current engagement in technology minded studies, my Google searches were futile and I found no reasonable explanation for the little red circle with a "1" gracing my homepage.

This blog isn't about my inability to troubleshoot Apple products though, it's about my response to this imaginary forever-unread message that stares me down every time I use my phone.

 To offer some background, I'm an information junkie. I love data, facts, opinions, theories...I love knowing STUFF. (For all you Baylor people, one of my Strengths is Learner, no surprise)  I find it difficult (nearly impossible) to enter a library or bookstore without leaving with a stack of books ranging in topic from neuroscience to philosophy to airplanes.

My most recent book splurge

One way this translates in other parts of my life is that whenever I get out of class or feel a buzz in my pocket, I feel this deep and insatiable need to check my email.

What information is waiting for me to come and discover? 

What if a professor emails clarification on an assignment? What if work emails out a new policy? What if an old friend tries to reconnect with me?

 That cute little notification began to taunt me. What it symbolizes is an unread message, an undiscovered nugget of information. Though I knew that there was, in fact, no unread message, it still made the point that somewhere there is something I don't know, that maybe I should.

What if I get information about housing for my summer internship? What if a group I'm involved with sends details about an event I'm helping with?

What if...what if...what if...?

But what if it all could wait? 

...what if it all didn't matter?

I don't think information is bad, I think it does matter; God is omniscient and we still think He's pretty cool. But one thing the ease of having a smart phone has taught me is that in my little corner of the world, information is an idol.

I've fallen into the same trap that caught Eve in the garden. I want to know; I want to be like a god and know everything. She ate a fruit, I'm a chronic email-checker. It sounds trivial when you put it that way, but it's really not. This combination of pride and a longing for independence are a lethal mixture, one that I've found myself getting awfully comfortable experimenting with.

I'm reminded of the verses in 1 Corinthians 8 that say "Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies." (NKJV) The New Living Translation is especially convicting: 

"But while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church. Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much."

I guess that's what it boils down to, knowing things makes me feel important, but that's not my purpose. I don't live to make myself important, but to show Christ important through me.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to fix this bug with my Mail app, I'm welcome to advice, but what once was extremely annoying has now become a simple reminder there will always be unread emails, unopened messages, and unexplored life mysteries. And I'm going to be okay with that :-)